Anger Managment - Sportbike Addicts

AfricanBootyScratcher · 07-27-2005, 11:03 AM

ANGER MANAGMENT

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need
to take it out on someone,
don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone
you don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd
forgotten to make. I found the
number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello." I
politely said, "This is Omar. Could I
please speak with Robyn Carter?"
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear: ""Get the right
f**in' number!"" and the phone was
slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so
rude. When I tracked down
Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had
accidentally transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number
again. When the same guy answered
the phone, I yelled "You're an arsehole!" and hung up. I wrote
his number down with the
word 'arsehole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.
Every
couple of weeks, when I was
paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell,
"You're an arsehole!" It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic
'arsehole' calling would have to stop.
So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from
the Telstra. I'm calling to see if
you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"
He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an arsehole!"
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking
spot. Some guy in a black BMW
cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for.
I hit the horn and yelled that I'd
been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed
a "For Sale" sign in his back
window, so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first arsehole
( I had his number on speed dial,) I
thought that I'd better call the BMW arsehole, too. I said,
"Is
this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
"Yes, it is", he said. "Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.
"Yes, I live at 34 Pine St, Elwood. It's a yellow house, and
the car's parked right out in front."
"What's your name?" I asked.
"My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes?"
"Don, you're an arsehole!" Then I hung up, and added his number
to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two arseholes to call. Then I
came up with an idea.
I called Arsehole #1.
"Hello."
"You're an arsehole!" (But I didn't hang up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"Arsehole, I live at 34 Pine St, Elwood, a yellow house, with my
black Beamer
parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better
start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, arsehole," and hung up.
Then I called Arsehole #2. "Hello?" he said.
"Hello, arsehole," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your arse," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, arsehole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I
lived at 34 Pine St,
Elwood, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay
lover. Then I called Channel
9 News about the gang war going down in Pine St, Elwood.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Elwood. I got
there just in time to watch two
arseholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop
cars, an overhead police helicopter
and a news crew.
NOW I feel much better. Anger management really works.