relationship rant

[SilverDragon]

The ladies out there are welcome to chime on this as well. I want to know if I'm really way off here!
:nopity:

My wife is a home maker and I work. When I come home from work, I'm on duty with our 15 month old until he goes to sleep. This varies between 9:30 and 11:30.

In the past few months I've started playing one of those free MMRPGs. I used to play mostly on weekends until i started playing at night after everyone is asleep because my weekends seem to always be taken with plans here or there.

Of course this means I don't go to bed until 2 or 3am. I have work in the morning, but I carpool with a friend, and my two alarms on my cell phone always get me up on time. I don't whine to her when and if I get tired.

Now she's complaining that she doesn't like going to sleep by herself all the time, when the original plan we had was that she would go to sleep "early" while I stay up with our boy so she can get up in the morning when I'm getting ready for work!
:arrr:

I'm using my own time (the only one I have to myself), and I'm getting annoying statements!
:nono2:

Should I be responsible that my second half doesn't sleep well when I don't occupy the 25% of the bed left to me while she's sleeping?
:cursin:

The only compromise left for me to make is to either stop playing a game I enjoy or play fewer times during the week. Other than the fact that I don't want to compromise on this 'cause I'm already sacrificing my own sleep and nothing else, weekends aren't even an option because I usually help out in watching my son since she does it all week.

Am I missing something here?
:moocow:

[Brian78]

your married with a kid, no time is your time anymore. put down the video game and grow up.

[SilverDragon]

your married with a kid, no time is your time anymore. put down the video game and grow up.

Should people stop riding too just because they get married and have a kid?

In my case, I'm in between bikes due to financial reasons. :)

...and being grown up is a relative term. :D

[duc748pilot]

sorta +1 with brian, spend some time with your wife. just my opinion

[CORNBREAD]

I have G.I Joe's to sell you.

Seriously grow the fuck up. You are married with a kid and you're upset that you can't play video games? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

[jcblitz]

Every once in a while my wife complains that I don't go to bed with her too, but she's a teacher and is out by 9:30 - 10pm during the school year. I have a sleeping issue that I can't fall asleep/don't sleep well so trying to go to bed at that time is out of the question. So basically I just lay in bed for 20 minutes and read until she falls asleep and then get up and go play some COD4 or something until I get sleepy.

I don't know the ins and outs of your day, but it doesn't sound like your using your parenting time to play games, just your wife falling asleep time. So it's not a matter of not spending time with your wife (she's going to bed anyway) and your parenting duties are already taken care of (I assume he's sleeping too) so just try what I do.

[Tonupboy]

I agree bro - with some - balance is key here...spend more time with wifey and kids man - nothing beats quality time. But yes, "me time" is also important too - I suggest you get a quick FPS game like COD4 - RPG wont cut it for me because they take way too much time. I know its weird, but it works for me. I get to smash they wifey away when she feels like it and Im able to sneak in a couple of COD4 matches....

[carl_g]

What is a 15 month old kid doing up @9:30 to 11:30 PM.
Kids that old require almost 12 hours of sleep.

[JasonB]

I would do what jc said. Get in the bed with her till she falls asleep, then get up and play your games...also, that baby should be in the bed at 8pm if not earlier.

Im married goin on 11 years (i think...lol) and I sometimes fall asleep in the basement all night. But compromise...work something out... just my .02

[SilverDragon]

I don't know the ins and outs of your day, but it doesn't sound like your using your parenting time to play games, just your wife falling asleep time. So it's not a matter of not spending time with your wife (she's going to bed anyway) and your parenting duties are already taken care of (I assume he's sleeping too) so just try what I do.

This is exactly the case. It's not that I don't spend time with them. I just do my own stuff when they're both asleep.

I have G.I Joe's to sell you.

Seriously grow the fuck up. You are married with a kid and you're upset that you can't play video games? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

I'm not upset that I can't play. I do play... but when everyone is asleep. My wife is the one upset that I'm awake when she's asleep.
What is a 15 month old kid doing up @9:30 to 11:30 PM.
Kids that old require almost 12 hours of sleep.

He does get a lot of sleep. On normal nights he goes to sleep around 9:30. I don't want him going to sleep at 8pm, because I get home from work at about 7pm. He's teething right now, so his normal schedule is on and off, sometimes he wakes up a from a nap a little bit before I get home, that's when he goes to sleep later.

He sleeps about 10 hours at night, and about 6 throughout the day between his 2 naps.

I'm a night person, when I'm not playing computer/video games, it's something else. Even when I have to do real work from home at nights where there are issues (IT) , she's not happy.

P.S. I do have COD4. I play that sometimes when friends are online after my son goes to sleep or while he plays.

[mowshweettea]

eh im on marriage number 2 and the key is balance. saying you want and need me time never works, try what everyone else said. lay there till shes out and then go do your thing thats what I do. no offense to the ladies but most are needy like that and need the closeness i guess you could say

[SilverDragon]

and she's a light sleeper...

but I'll try following the suggestion to go to bed with her, which I can already see will mean that I'll pass out too.

Thanks for the constructive suggestions.

[mowshweettea]

yeah that happens... but if you can actually get out of bed think of the free time lol

[Shelly]

Hmm...I think there needs to be some balance overall and generally speaking with all things....but aren't YOU the one juggling work, helping her take care of baby, paying the bills,etc. while she sits at home...I think she needs to be fair in giving you some of YOUR time to yourself back and if it means after your responsibilities are done at the end of the day to game while they're sleeping...so be it. I think this is reasonable.

I don't think being deceptive and going to sleep w/ her then getting up later is the right move...wanna cause a fight? seriously....My 5 cents. Hope it helps.

[SilverDragon]

Well, we had a quick chat about it when I got home yesterday. She says she's fine with me staying up as long as I don't stay up too late (like I've been doing recently).

Basically I have a curfew to be in bed; I don't mind that too much, especially since I do have to get up for work the next day.


Hmm...I think there needs to be some balance overall and generally speaking with all things....but aren't YOU the one juggling work, helping her take care of baby, paying the bills,etc. while she sits at home...I think she needs to be fair in giving you some of YOUR time to yourself back and if it means after your responsibilities are done at the end of the day to game while they're sleeping...so be it. I think this is reasonable.

Shelly, that's exactly where I was coming from, but it's not like she just "sits" at home though.

In any case, things seems to be back to normal in paradise until I forget the time and stay up until 3am again. :)

[Respect_My_Authorita]

I am sensing that she is genuinely concerned that you are getting burned out between the kid, work and no sleep my .02 cents. again i could be wrong.

[JHuff1219]

Hmm...I think there needs to be some balance overall and generally speaking with all things....but aren't YOU the one juggling work, helping her take care of baby, paying the bills,etc. while she sits at home...I think she needs to be fair in giving you some of YOUR time to yourself back and if it means after your responsibilities are done at the end of the day to game while they're sleeping...so be it. I think this is reasonable.

I don't think being deceptive and going to sleep w/ her then getting up later is the right move...wanna cause a fight? seriously....My 5 cents. Hope it helps.

+1 EVERYONE is entitled to alone time regardless of whether you're married, single, parent, childless, young or old. The activities you chose to participate in whether it's golf, bowling, tennis, watching television, reading, riding motorcycles or playing video games is your choice, so long as your primary responsibilities are fulfilled and it sounds like you are sensitive to those requirements. If she is just concerned you are burning the candle at both ends then you need to listen b/c without you (if you fell ill) she and your child could suffer. If she is upset b/c you are not in bed with her while she sleeps then you may need to spend more time with just her and rekindle your relationship. If she just wants you in bed while she sleeps then I think she is being unreasonable. :twocents:

[Sue]

From what I have read, it seems your wife is probably just concerned with you getting to bed at 2-3am and than having to get up a few hours later for work. She is probably worried you will burn yourself out.
Lets face it, you "both" have very long days with you working and her taking care of the baby and your home. She probably wants you to get enough rest to handle everything which is why she tries to get to bed early.

I "dont" think she is being selfish. I also "dont" think you are being selfish either. Everyone needs "their time" no matter who you are. Maybe just have "your time" before 2-3am and than everyone will be happy. Just my thoughts. :) I'm sure you will find a happy medium together.

[SilverDragon]

Whew... crazy weekend. I didn't get the chance to check-in until today, and I'm stealing a few sanity-saving minutes from my current project to do so. :)

Last night was the only night since last week that I went to bed at around 2am, and I wasn't even playing on the computer this time. She seemed to take it in strides.

Basically, we agreed that I wouldn't stay up late more than 3 nights a week, and "late" has been defined to be between 1 and 2 am.

So far so good!

Even though I've gotten more sleep recently with going to bed early and everything, I've actually felt more tired! :D

Thanks again all!

[Marker54]

Hey Bro, I really don't think your asking for very much. BTW, how's the new house?

[SilverDragon]

Hey Bro, I really don't think your asking for very much. BTW, how's the new house?

It's awesome. My legs get much more exercise with stairs now! :D

--

Weird new development:
My wife has asked to try the MMRPGs with me. This could be good, it could be bad, but I'll just accept it to be good at this point! :)