John712
03-05-2007, 11:34 PM
want a good laugh.? read this entire write up on what some guy did :lol:
STOLEN FROM ANOTHER SITE
> STUN GUN (Only a guy would do this!)
>
> Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased
> his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:
>
> Last weekend I saw something at Larry 's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked
> my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for
> a little something extra for my wife Julie.
>
> What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The
> effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term
> adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat
> to safety....
>
> WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.
> I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.
> Nothing!
>
> I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND
> pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue
> arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
> AWESOME!!!
>
> Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on
> the face of her microwave.
>
> Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it
> couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries right?!!
>
> There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting
> little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I
> really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I
> must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second)
> and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going
> to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did
> want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
>
> So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
> glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one
> hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst
> would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was
> supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a
> three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the
> ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds
> would be wasting the batteries.
>
> All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long,
> less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with
> two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible
> way!"
>
> What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...
> I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one
> side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst
> from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided
> to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the
> prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and
>
> HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS _DESTRUCTION!@$$!%_
>
> I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me
> up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and
> over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal
> position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire,
> testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in
> the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over
> me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face,
> undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"
>
> Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one
> note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you
> zap yourself.
>
> You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand
> by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be
> considered conservative.
>
> SON-OF-A-... that hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't be
> sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my
> wits(what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent
> reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get up
> there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.
> My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip
> weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles . I'm offering a
> significant reward for their safe return.
>
> Signed,
> Still in shock.
STOLEN FROM ANOTHER SITE
> STUN GUN (Only a guy would do this!)
>
> Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased
> his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:
>
> Last weekend I saw something at Larry 's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked
> my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for
> a little something extra for my wife Julie.
>
> What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The
> effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term
> adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat
> to safety....
>
> WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.
> I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.
> Nothing!
>
> I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND
> pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue
> arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
> AWESOME!!!
>
> Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on
> the face of her microwave.
>
> Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it
> couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries right?!!
>
> There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting
> little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I
> really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I
> must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second)
> and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going
> to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did
> want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
>
> So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
> glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one
> hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst
> would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was
> supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a
> three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the
> ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds
> would be wasting the batteries.
>
> All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long,
> less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with
> two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible
> way!"
>
> What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...
> I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one
> side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst
> from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided
> to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the
> prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and
>
> HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS _DESTRUCTION!@$$!%_
>
> I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me
> up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and
> over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal
> position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire,
> testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in
> the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over
> me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face,
> undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"
>
> Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one
> note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you
> zap yourself.
>
> You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand
> by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be
> considered conservative.
>
> SON-OF-A-... that hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't be
> sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my
> wits(what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent
> reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get up
> there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.
> My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip
> weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles . I'm offering a
> significant reward for their safe return.
>
> Signed,
> Still in shock.